The telephone is ringing off the hook in this fever-dream republic, and the voices on the other end are screaming pure batshit theology straight from the bowels of the New Left. Listen here, you poor twisted bastards: So if I’m parsing this acid-soaked catechism correctly, my own wretched ancestors—those wild-eyed English savages who crawled ashore in 1607 like something out of a Hieronymus Bosch painting—stole every square inch of this godforsaken continent through sheer balls and black powder. Fine. Guilty as charged in the great cosmic tribunal. But now? Now some swollen-bellied “anchor baby” who just slithered across the border in the last howling hour of the night, still slick with amniotic fluid and entitlement, is suddenly the rightful heir to the whole goddamn kingdom? Jesus H. Christ on a pogo stick. The logic is so deranged it makes a bad mescaline trip look like a Rotary Club meeting. One minute we’re all original sinners for the crime of showing up with superior technology and a hunger for elbow room; the next minute the latest undocumented miracle of instant citizenship is owed the deed, the mineral rights, and a complimentary Tesla. This isn’t politics anymore. This is pure, uncut gonzo theology—voodoo economics mixed with historical masochism and a heavy dose of pharmaceutical-grade guilt. The same people who’d burn the Constitution for kindling will tell you with a straight face that borders are imaginary, history is a hate crime, and the only real crime is noticing that the national lifeboat is taking on water faster than the captain can bail.I’m telling you, sport, we have reached the absolute screaming edge of the American funhouse. The natives are restless, the newcomers are legion, and the referees have all been bought off by people who think “reparations” means handing the entire casino to the guy who just wandered in off the street demanding a free spin at the wheel.Pass the ether. We’re gonna need it.
Birthright Citizenship?
The telephone is ringing off the hook in this fever-dream republic, and the voices on the other end are screaming pure batshit theology straight from the bowels of the New Left. Listen here, you poor twisted bastards: So if I’m parsing this acid-soaked catechism correctly, my own wretched ancestors—those wild-eyed English savages who crawled ashore…
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Swansenreport 
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